Fears.

Tomorrow is such an important day for Leet. And I'm so scared.

I want him to be able to see his kids again, but things have gone against him for so long. What if the court doesn't see all the hard work he's done? What if they are again blinded by her complete and utter bullshit?

Why does she feel the need to be so malicious to him? What is she gaining? What would she lose if she were suddenly able to reason like a normal person? Why does she tell such ugly lies?

What happens when she sees me? Can I be strong? I want to be strong, for him. I want to be able to joke with him and smile at him, so that she gets scared because we're so clearly not.

I just want those kids to have what they deserve. I don't care about the rest. I don't care about her being held accountable for her lies or for all the horrible things she's done...none of that matters if he doesn't get to see his kids.

Honestly, I feel like if things don't go well tomorrow, it negates all the good and everything I've been telling him. I keep saying that things happen for a reason and that all the bad stuff happened so that he was able to come to this better place of understanding, to be a better father and to get to be a part of his kids' lives in the right way. What does it mean if none of that comes to fruition?

I can't focus on that. I can only say Hail Marys until the moment that the commissioner issues his or her ruling. I can only send positive thoughts out into the universe. I can only hope. If I give up hoping, who is left?